Brains and Beauty
A Hollywood actress once met the British philosopher, Bertrand Russell.
Whereas he was quite ugly, she turned heads wherever she went.
She was rather full of herself and said to Russell, 'They say I'm the most beautiful woman in the world, and I hear you're the smartest man. Imagine if we had a child with your brains and my beauty.'
Russell, who was never lost for words, replied,
'IMAGINE IF IT HAD MY BEAUTY AND YOUR BRAINS'.
Winston Churchill was famous for, amongst other things, his quick wit. On one occasion in parliament, the opposition party was up in arms because Churchill's government had given the thumbs down to a proposed new law. The debate began to get out of hand and a woman shouted, 'If I were your wife, I'd give you poison'.
Churchill instantly replied, 'IF YOU WERE MY WIFE, I WOULD DRINK IT'.
A Film Scene
In the film Four Weddings and a Funeral, Hugh Grant meets an old friend, and asks him, 'How are you, and how is your girlfriend?'
The man replies, 'She's not my girlfriend any more.'
'That's good,' says Grant, 'You probably didn't know, but she was two-timing you with someone else.'
The man looks deeply shocked and says, 'SHE'S MY WIFE NOW!'
Huge Grant realises he has put his foot in it, and he kicks himself for being so stupid.